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Hi I'm Madelon

I grew up in a family of atheists. I sing, play the piano and draw. I'm a Mormon.

About Me

I used to live a pretty dark life. I'd been different for as long as I could remember, could never quite relate to the other kids and often felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Regardless, I chose to follow my dream - to become an actress in musical productions. I auditioned, got accepted and finally felt like my life could begin. Can you imagine how my life was torn to pieces when I was thrown out... Things spiraled down for me from that point on. I got stuck in a depression that lasted over three years and in the end, I was bordering alcoholic. Finally deciding I had to go and figure out what I wanted to do with myself, I chose to leave the country for a couple of months. What happened while I was abroad has changed my life forever.

Why I am a Mormon

Meeting the missionaries while I was abroad was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, and it happened at the exact right time. While I was going through some dark stuff, I can now see that the Lord was simply preparing me to be lifted up when I was most susceptible to it. He knew that I would never be ready to be built up, if I wasn't first broken down to my very foundations. He knew I'm stubborn like that. Joining His church hasn't changed who I am, but it has changed the way I treat myself and others. It has changed my perspective and made me realize how easy life really is, if you just follow a few simple guidelines. It has made it much more bearable to deal with a personality disorder and the chronic depression that still troubles me sometimes. Of course, joining the church hasn't just made all that go away, but it has given me a way to cope as well as the knowledge that Heavenly Father and Christ love me and have their reasons to make me go through all of it. It has given me the knowledge that I can come out stronger, kinder and more loving than I was before.

How I live my faith

Today, I'm grateful. Grateful that I've found a way to deal with and accept a lot of my shortcomings. Most importantly though, I'm grateful that I've managed to confront myself about a lot of them and change myself where I thought change was needed. Grateful for the motivation I've been granted and the truths I've embraced for myself, that were able to lift me out of a seriously miserable time. I've learned that things can always get better and that, no matter how bleak the situation, you will always come out stronger. I'm grateful for feeling. Just feeling. It used to be either a shallow happiness, outbursts of anger or nothing at all and let me tell you, that's a very narrow range of emotions. I'm in a place now where I can experience emotions that require more than one, two or three words to describe. One of the most important ones I've experienced in myself is desire, in the basest sense. The desire to do something, achieve something, or even want something enough to undertake action. I'm especially grateful for desire. I'm grateful for wanting to help others. I used to live in a world that was dominated by my own emptiness and anger at the world, and all of it was stuffed between the four walls of my bedroom. I would not leave my room for days on end, simply wallowing in whatever I was (not) feeling at the time. The last thing on my mind was to go out and actually do stuff for others. But now, I want to go out there and be there for people. I love my calling as primary chorister, I love doing service project with the local YSA, I love going out of my way to do something for people that I may not even know at all. I've joined the local choir, I'm doing volunteer work outside of the church and it's fantastic. All in all, I'm so grateful for this because it means my misery is no longer the center of my world. I'm not there yet. There is so much out there for me to learn about, and I'm really excited to do so!