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Hi I'm Meagen.

I battle depression, and I'm winning the fight. I am happily married, even though my marriage is not perfect. And I'm a Mormon.

About Me

I was born in Germany while my dad was stationed there in the military. I moved 17 times in 16 years. By the time I was a junior in high school, I was done moving. I went to college early at 16 and have been working on my degree in psychology ever since. My personal challenges have led to some very hard, painful years. My depression has been particularly challenging, because it is the kind I was born with. I've had it all my life, and it has gotten worse and worse with time. I have tried many things to heal. Unfortunately, though these same activities help many people through dark depression, they do not help me. I have really struggled to find joy and feel like life is worth living, and continue to struggle. Though depression has left most of my life in shadow, I have good things in my life, too. My husband is the best part of my life. We met in April 2011 and we were married in July 2011. I love him. My marriage, though at times incredibly painful (mostly because depression lies), has certainly made my life better and happier. I'm due to have our first child in November. My pregnancy has been unpleasant, to say the least, but, as my mom would say, "I can do ANYTHING for a few months!" I'll get through it. I enjoy crafts, window shopping, creating, eating, and watching my husband without him noticing, like I'm doing as I type this. (He's just so cute!) I once wanted to be a writer, but now I'd just like to be happy.

Why I am a Mormon

I'm a Mormon because I know that the teachings of the church are true. I have read the Book of Mormon several times and I have a feeling, a knowledge, a sense deep down that it is true. Life is hard. Really hard. It's incredibly hard for me to continue trying - trying to read scriptures when I can't comprehend the words, trying to pray when I don't feel connected to a listener, trying to go to church when it gives me panic attacks, trying to help others when my efforts always feel woefully inadequate. Why am I a Mormon? In all the terrifying chaos of life, I have something to hold onto: truth. The eternal truths of the Gospel (and I say "truths" because they ring true deep within me) are a large part of the reason I am still alive. Though many things in life constantly change - relationships, emotions, living situations - the principles of this church don't change. It is the one constant I can rely on absolutely. I recently read this quote: "Without prayer, the necessary spiritual power to avoid temptation and overcome trials and adversity would be unavailable." (Ensign, June 2013, p.37) Even though it takes incredible strength to keep trying, I sometimes feel myself being strengthened by something stronger.

How I live my faith

I live my faith by trying to be a good person. I especially try to look for the good in others and compliment them on it. Also, I forgive. When a friend or my husband or a family member does something to upset me, I forgive them (though it sometimes takes a while). Giving forgiveness brings me peace in my heart. Rather than being eaten away by anger or a desire for revenge, I feel love, which is a much more pleasant emotion. I pray every day and read scriptures so that I can learn what to do in my life. When I have to make hard choices, I have these resources to turn to. It makes the tough choices a little bit easier. Depression complicates every aspect of my life, including my faith. I struggle to feel connected to people in my everyday life, and I also struggle to feel connected to God (though this was not always true). Here, because I don't have the peaceful feelings and reassurances that many feel, I instead have to rely completely on faith. I make a conscious choice to trust earlier experiences which showed me that God watches over me, knows what I truly need, and is benevolent in meeting those needs.