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Fighting For Your Marriage - 3 Tips

By Mormon.org
Married couple sharing an experience together

Fighting for Marriage

In marriage, following God’s counsel to “be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) can be challenging. Because those entering marriage relationships have different backgrounds, strengths, and weaknesses, differences of opinion at times arise. But rather than fighting over differing opinions within a marriage, couples should fight for their marriage so they can come out winners together.

Watch this video, which reminds couples to fight for marriage.

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When dealing with differences of opinion, remember these three tips to help you come out winners together in your marriage.

Substance over Surface

The things we disagree about usually fall into one of two categories: surface or substance. Learning to differentiate between the two is essential when dealing with differences. Surface disagreements are those with no lasting value. Does he leave his dirty laundry on the floor? Does she get too competitive in a game of Pictionary? Substance disagreements are those, not surprisingly, that matter long-term. How should we discipline a wayward child? What is our relationship with God? Over time, a marriage caught up in surface arguments becomes weakened and unable to tackle questions of substance. So pick your battles. When it comes down to it, you most likely chose your partner because your substance values were similar. Let the surface go and strengthen the substance together.

Individuals over Ideas

All too often, in the heat of battle, we forget that the thing we oppose is an idea or opinion, not our loved one. It’s easy to confuse “I don’t like your idea” with “I don’t like you” when dealing with differences of opinion. This can lead to erosion in marriage. Rather, take a step back and remember that this person you love is more important than the problem to be solved. President Thomas S. Monson has taught: “There are many attributes which are manifestations of love, such as kindness, patience, selflessness, understanding, and forgiveness. In all our associations, these and other such attributes will help make evident the love in our hearts.” When we put our loved one first, we are able to better understand the differing opinion and reach a solution together in love.

Oneness over Winning

In a marriage, like in no other relationship, the only win is a win for both husband and wife. If one partner is always concerned with winning arguments at the expense of the other, the marriage suffers. Differences will arise, but compromise and forgiveness are essential when determining solutions. President Monson teaches: “Forgiveness should go hand in hand with love. In our families … there can be hurt feelings and disagreements. Again, it doesn’t really matter how small the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to canker, to fester, and ultimately to destroy. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.” Becoming one in a marriage is the ultimate win. So forgive often, love much, and reach solutions together as you take on differences of opinion.

If you would like to learn more about strengthening your marriage, please join us at church.